Restraining Order FAQ’s

A restraining order can be hard to understand and complicated to follow. Here is a list of Frequently Asked Questions to help guide you through this difficult time.

Can I watch my ex girlfriend with binoculars or a telescope without breaking the law?
Yes. Most orders require that you stay 100 meters away from the person, but they do not stipulate that you can’t stake out her house or workplace from distances greater than what is prescribed on the order.

My ex girlfriend is being a cock tease. Am I allowed to come within 100 meters to investigate?
No. Girls can do lots of crazy things to lead a guy on, like answering phone calls or asking you to respect her privacy. This does not mean you can break the order. Stay Back.

I’m thinking of sending her another dick pic. Does this constitute a violation?
No. Dicks are not easy to identify like a finger print or DNA sample. As long as you send it from a private number dick pics are dismissible evidence in court.

My ex has an order against me but her new boyfriend does not. Can I beat him up?
Yes. The order protects her only. If you get him to agree to a fight you are clear to assault him at your discretion.

I miss my baby and want to bump into her. Can I do this?
Yes. Chance meetings are permissible, but they must be in a public place.  Try catching her in an elevator or some other type of enclosure. Women’s washrooms are off limits.

I’ve just been caught with my ex’s panties. Can I get jail time for this?
Short answer is no. You are guilty of possession of stolen property, but you are not guilty of breaking the order. The police have no way of proving you entered her residents. However if she provides the court with surveillance footage, you can be spending up to 30 days behind bars.

I have four restraining orders against me. Is this even legal?
Hey Phil. Jesus Christ man, you gotta take it easy. Give me a call sometime and I can explain all this in better detail.

https://badger264.wordpress.com

Fat People in Pictures

Chad pulls another trophy Mule Deer out of the bush.

Mark hasn’t seen any bucks yet this year.

Little Leah loves to ride downtown.

Little Amy wants to go back to the house.

Sam owns a piece of land.

But Gary is the “Real Deal”.

Another vegetarian meal for Scott.

Soda!

Kerri is into yoga.

Susan gets tired easy.

Beth and Lisa are both gonna hook up this Halloween.

Bill doesn’t need to worry about that.

Carl gets to ride around on a motorcycle at work.

Will someone please bring Nathan a water?

Lieutenant Tim says “Five miles to the next check point. MOVE IT!”

Private Wayne says “Go ahead with out me, I’m just gonna stay here and guard the camp.”

Jill is hoping to raise money for charity.

Lindsay is hoping she doesn’t crap her pants like last time.

Jordan isn’t going for a run, he’s just stretching.

Mike isn’t fat, he’s just big boned.

Ronda has abs of steel.

Tina has back tits.

Kasha wants to know if these jeans make her ass look big.

Jen wants to know if there are any left overs in the fridge.

Hold on tight Dylan.

Same to you Al.

Dion has got it all figured out.

Life is a puzzle for Gord. He’s working on it.

https://badger264.wordpress.com

 

Snowboarding in Pictures

This is Karen. She is an Accountant and she loves to snowboard.

This is Andrew. He is a Photographer and he loves to snowboard too.

Eric is an Engineer. He has studied three different books on snowboarding.

Joey got his snow pants given to him from Burton.

Derrick has the exact same snow pants.

Lenny is a Bartender who doesn’t own a car.

Chris is a douche bag who drives a Porsche.

Justin is a Journeyman Welder. He likes to pull wrenches.

Kyle works at Best Buy. He likes to pull his pud.

Matt just got back from Japan. He has a camera crew follow him around wherever he goes.

Richard just got back from Med School. He has a patroller crew follow him around wherever he goes. Tell us how to fix you Rich…

Travis likes helicopters and getting laid.

Stacey is a Journalist. She likes guys like Travis. She is willing to do whatever it takes to get the interview. Missionary, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl…Whatever it takes.

Dave was trained as a Gymnast. He’s flexible.

Randy was trained as a Dentist. He’s flexible too.

Alex grew up poor. She is a Snowboard Dance Artist. Lookin great Alex!

Taylor has rich parents. They bought her all the newest gear. Lookin great Taylor!

Curtis is new to professional Snowboarding. He’s excited.

Lee is new to Canada. He’s excited too.

Carol and Dan are having a blast. Dan’s going to use that camera later to make a video of him exploring Carol’s naked body. Way to go Dan!

  There will be no sex tonight for Howard. Judy told him she wasn’t ready for the chair, but he never listened. Now her naked body is on “lock down” for the next three weeks. Sorry Howard.

This is Gavin. He likes to tell stories on his blog at badger264.wordpress.com RESPECT to all the legitimate riders out there.

Some Assembly Required

Dear Guillow’s Customer Service Manager:

My name is Gavin Smith and I am writing to complain about your Lancer Rubber Powered Endurance Flyer.

I recently bought one of your models on the premise that it would be easy to assemble and that it was guaranteed to fly. I’m a professional builder by trade so I can’t think of a more qualified person for the task.

I can read, and I can say with certainty your instructions were poor. They didn’t make hardly any sense and there was lots of words I didn’t recognize. To be fair, I did drop out of high school kinda early and English is not really one of my strong suits.

There was also pieces missing from the kit. Important pieces. God only knows what they do. It said on the box that it was for ages 8 and up. I’m 35 years old and I still couldn’t figure it out.

To be honest I did loose my job a few years back. My supervisor wrote that I was “grossly incompetent” on my separation form whatever that means…

I was on Employment Insurance for over a year. When that ran out, I got on welfare, but that hardly covers the cost of cigarettes and lottery tickets never mind toys like yours.

I bought your flyer with a credit card, and now I’ve gotten into trouble for it. American Express never explained how their goddam card works when they gave it to me and now they are sending me all kinds of nasty letters saying that I…get this… owe THEM money. One of them even said “Final Notice” on it. I didn’t even dignify that with a response.

I also have a lot of extra costs right now because of my skin condition. I have to buy all kinds of creams and ointments for it… O.K. you got me… It might actually be a little more serious.

When the doctor tells you something you don’t necessarily have to believe him because he’s just one person. You can get a second and third opinion if you want from another doctor and a pharmacist… It’s only when they all agree that you have an STD that you can be sure that’s what it is… FYI.

I wouldn’t have got herpes to begin with if that prostitute hadn’t lied to me. That bitch said she was clean! Moving forward I will be using condoms EVERY time.

You know what my real problem is? My wife is fat as a house… She won’t stop eating, no matter what I do. FUCK! There is not enough time in the day for me to help bathe her never mind build your crappy model airplane that looks nothing like the picture.

In conclusion your guaranteed flyer doesn’t fly worth a shit. I want my money back.

Yours Truly,

Gavin Smith

The Jersey

I found it in a thrift shop with a price tag of $4.99. I instantly snatched it off the rack and held it tight like I had just won a prize. Upon further inspection of this hockey jersey my excitement grew. Mint condition. I stood in the aisle of the store and threw up my phone for some research.

I wasn’t sure what I would find, but I was hoping for a familiar face. That’s one of the cool parts about thrifting. First you find a piece of clothing, then with the help of the internet you can quickly study up. You can find out all kinds of stuff you maybe didn’t know. All I knew was the Windsor Spitfires were a junior team at the same level as the Kamloops Blazers. They must have some notable NHL alumni, as they all do.

To my surprise when I goggle searched “Windsor Spitfires” a picture of Taylor Hall popped up wearing the exact jersey, in his hands he hoisted the Memorial Cup. I kept scrolling. In disbelief I learned of his many accomplishments.

Taylor actually won the Memorial Cup twice. He was selected tournament MVP both times (a title that only he holds). He was also named the rookie of the year for the OHL and CHL with the Spitfires. A member of Team Canada, he was selected 1st overall in the NHL entry draft, to the Edmonton Oilers. All this happened about six years ago before he started his successful pro career.

I knew right away what I needed to do.

I needed to customize the shirt turning it from average to exceptional.

I had an old friend that was a life long Edmonton Oilers fan. My plan was to give it to him, someone that could appreciate it and love it more than I could.

The only problem was that I was in Sault St. Marie Ontario. It was going to take some time before I could get home and put my plan into action. Over the next few weeks as I drove past the Great Lakes and onto the Parries, I dreamed about the gift. He was going to love it.

I was most of the way home from my tour across the country when my heart broke. Taylor Hall had been traded to the New Jersey Devils. “What are the chances…” I thought. My bubble had officially burst. My die hard Oiler fan would surely no longer be interested.

I racked my brain trying to think up a suitable home for it. It was a size small so it’s best suited for a teenager or a female.

Maybe I could just keep it in my own personal collection. If I ever found another girlfriend I could make her wear it when we go snowboarding. But I already have a classic Hartford Whalers jersey for that.

Then I thought about giving it to the best female player in Lillooet. Whoever gets it would need to be a hockey person, so I asked her if she knew who Taylor Hall was. She responded “I think I’ve heard of her…” With that, I knew that option was out.

Then I remembered another old friend. Probably the biggest hockey fan I know. I also remembered that I owe him a jersey after he helped me out a few years back with a signed Jarome Iginla tarp… The perks when you work for the Calgary Flames.

When I did my research I found out that Taylor Hall played some of his Minor Hockey in Calgary. Perhaps my friend could find his old coach or club to pass it on to.

Maybe the man himself is the best one to have it. My friend could make the play the next time the Devils are in town. I’m sure he could find this VERY classy jersey its rightful home. Taylor could sign it and give it to a family member or a sick kid at the children’s hospital. Who knows where it will end up.

People questioned why I would spend $100 and go through all the effort only to turn around and give it away to a complete stranger. I guess it’s just a way of paying it forward.

I like to think of it like catching a big fish and then releasing it back into the ocean, only to be caught again by someone else. Or putting a message in a bottle and hoping for the best. Inside the tag I wrote a message to the next would be owner “A Gift From Lillooet B.C.”

I also think it makes for a good story. The hockey gods would be pleased with this one.

 

MMA Volleyball

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The new recreational activity in Lillooet has got everyone talking.

It was started as an initiative between the Wednesday night boxing
club and Thursday drop in volleyball.

“Both clubs were looking for new ways to get attendance levels up, when the idea was spawned to combine the two activities.” said organizer Gavin Smith.

MMA Volleyball has all the same rules as regular volleyball with one significant rule change. You are allowed full body contact within 4 feet of the net.

“People were hesitant at first, but once the sparing began off the
opening serve, they  really started to have fun with it.” says Smith.

It has all the strategy of the traditional net game but with the
intensity that can only come from a cage match.

“Sometimes I’m not sure if I should be blocking the ball or blocking my head and body.” said Kevin, one of the newest members.

Just to be clear it’s mixed martial arts, so you’re allowed to both kick or punch. It’s great because you can choose your own fighting style when you’re at the net.

We actually had our first knock out last week. Debbie who’s just a
regular soccer mom any other time, tuned up one of the slower older players who’s in her fifties.

Susan came in to play the ball and completely forgot that her feet
were inside the fight line. That’s when Deb flew across with two hay makers and a mean uppercut to finish her off. It was lights out.

After the knock out, it was really neat to see everyone else start to
respect Debbie. Susan has been more than hesitant to get back out there.

“I know, I know, there’s been a lot of talk about concussions in the
news lately and since we wanted it to be safe for everyone we also
keep a court side doctor. Just for liability purposes mostly.” says
Smith

We are still trying to work out some of the kinks, for instance, some
of the lighter players complained about being hit by the bigger heavyweights, so the boxing club was gracious enough to provide protective head gear and body belts. It’s been great to see the sport evolve in only a few short weeks.

The gear is not mandatory, but it is recommended if it’s your first
time at MMA Volleyball.

Come check it out, Thursday nights at 7pm down at the Lillooet Rec Center. Don’t forget to bring your own mouth guard.

Lukowich

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I grew up playing hockey in the rugged town of Lillooet. I was 11 years old when our favorite WHL team, the Kamloops Blazers played the Victoria Cougars in Lillooet’s “new” arena. You could imagine how big of a deal it was to have such high level hockey come to town so everyone showed up.

After the game, I was playing around by the benches and found a perfectly good stick from behind the visitors sign. There was nobody around so I grabbed it. My friends and I were playing around with the new found stick and a tennis ball out in the parking lot, when I hear: “Hey! That’s my stick!”

I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because, I thought I was gonna catch hell for this one. I stood there dumbfounded and quickly tried to make amends by asking him if he wanted it back. He told me to hold on as he went aboard the bus. He came out with a black marker and signed: “To Gavin: Good Luck and Best Wishes, Brad Lukowich.”

He asked me what position I played, and I proudly said defense. He said “That’s good now you play tuff as Sandpaper out there no matter what.” The message stuck with me all through hockey and small town life.

At 28, the dream is long over but the message carries on. I still play tough as Sandpaper. Over the last few years, I’ve earned the nickname ‘Badger’, ferocious and light weight. I also still have the Bauer Supreme stick in mint condition. Nice to see ya back in BC, hopefully for Cup # 3.

Good Luck and Best Wishes,

Gavin the “Badger” Smith

fight

Last night’s hockey fight:

I got pumped in the face pretty good last night at hockey.

It all started when one of their D men played me up high. I gave him a shot to the dome, and he answered back with a slash across my waist with his stick. I grabbed him in a head lock and gave him a pile driver into the ice. He squirmed around pretty good but I kept his head held tight until the refs pulled me off.

I had just gotten out of the box for that penalty when I moved along the boards to break out of our zone. Another one of their players hit me directly from behind into the boards, right in the numbers.

I answered that with a spinning haymaker that got the side of his head. We started to clutch and grab at each other. He was pretty strong and so he pulled me out of the scrum of players and tried to roll me over his back. As this happened I got my balance and kicked his legs out from under him instead. This led to a full backward body slam for him in the other direction.

His helmet exploded off with the impact. I grabbed his nice long hair with a fist and started banging his head and face off the ice. This is when the first of about three solid rabbit punches landed in my face. I tucked my head into my chest like a turtle as the punches came pounding in. I had to absorb them with my face because I didn’t want to let the guy go that I had in my grasp. Other wise I would blocked the shots with my arms.

The punches only lasted a few seconds because as soon as my D-partner saw the 3rd man come in he came flying in too. He loaded a punch and landed a bomb right through the guy’s face. They both blew right off the top of the dog pile and on to the other side of the scrum. Everyone on the ice was wrestling.

The guy I had by the hair was screaming for me to let him go. My girlfriend who was watching the whole thing from across the rink said she could hear someone screaming to “Let Go” she was really embarrassed because she thought it was me that was crying.

Sticks gloves and helmets littered the ice. Just then the ref yelled; “Get the hell out of here, you’re done for tonight.”

My nose was blown open and I received a real nice shiner out of the deal. What a hectic series of events in an otherwise ordinary Wednesday night.