Farm Justice #2

pina-colada

Last weeks episode should have left you feeling more confident dealing with people you don’t like. Here are the next two ways of dealing with those people that deserve it the most.

#3 Novocain Smoothie (special thanks to Scott F for teaching me this one first hand)

Go to the local pharmacy and buy a tube of Ambesol cream. This is the stuff you use for tooth aches. The active ingredient is novocain. It’s what the dentist gives you to freeze your mouth.

Lets say that your attending a BBQ with your victim. Make a drink that would cause you to use a drinking straw. Pina Coladas are nice. Your mission is to try and get as much of that Ambesol cream down their straw as possible.

Like I said above, I have experienced this one in person. It sucks.

When I took a huge hall off of my drink, I must have ingested half a tube of that crap. It instantly froze not only my lips, teeth, tongue, and gums, but all the way down my throat hole as well.

It takes about 45 min for the feeling to come back.

#4 Man seeking Man

Step 1: Get a hold of your victim’s phone number.

Step 2: Create a fake email account with your victims name in it. (ie JohnDoe@msn.com)

Step 3: E-mail the daily newspaper from the fake address.

Your message should be similar to this:

Hi, my name is John Doe and I noticed that in your classified section there were some personals options for men seeking men. Can you please run one for me in the next issue?

I am a 30 yr old male seeking male. I enjoy wine, and long walks at dusk. Respondents must be creative in the kitchen and the bedroom. For a good time call John Doe at 250-256-7777.

Within a couple of days of the ad running, your victim should be flooded with phone calls and enquiries. It’s especially nice if he is from a small town where word gets around quick.

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