Farm Justice #3

 

our_house1Ladies and Gentlemen please sit back and relax as we take the journey down the old dirt road of farm justice. That’s right, here are the fifth and sixth way of dealing with that asshole in your life.

#5 Do you smell Skunk?

There is a product out there called skunk oil. Trappers use this for baiting skunks on their trap lines up north. I have found another application. It is made from actual skunk spray, as you can imagine the stuff is exceptionally powerful.

Step#1 Go down to your local hunting and fishing store and buy some of this stuff. (Powder Keg in Kamloops carry’s it.)

Step#2 Find your victims vehicle and get the hood open. You can use a screw driver through the grill to pop the latch.

Step#3 Apply a generous amount of oil to the intake manifold.

When the vehicle is started the oil will heat up and vaporize. This will allow the smell to be pulled through the air ducks into the interior of the car. You can feel good about the fact that the automobile will be permanently filled with a little thing the French like to call “Odor de Skunk.” Your victim will think they have hit some road kill, when actually they just messed with the wrong fella.

(Hint: use disposable rubber gloves when handling the skunk oil. If it gets on you, it won’t come off, leaving your co-workers and loved ones ill tempered by your presence.)

Warning: No amount of professional cleaning will get the smell out. The vehicle will be permanently up Shit Creek, so make sure the guy really deserves what’s coming.

#6 Round up on the lawn

I have learned that the product called “Round Up” not only kills weeds but lawn as well.

Step#1 Go to your local garden supply and buy some round up and a spray bottle for application.

Step#2. Visit your bad neighbours lawn during the night.

Step#3. Write a message in the grass that is going to be visible to all the neighbourhood traffic. I recommend the standard drawing of a penis and two balls with an arrow pointing at the house. This will signal that a dick lives inside the residence.

In two days when your victim heads off to work it will be clear that someone doesn’t like them.

(Hint: Keep the message simple, you want it to be large and easy to read.) Warning: Any grass that gets even a drop of that stuff on it will die. Make sure you take your time and do the job right.

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