Thanks for viewing and welcome to the last episode of Farm Justice.
#7 The Dry Dock
I was at a party. The host of the party is one of those extremely Chachi bartender types who thinks he’s Mr. Hot Shot.
The move he pulled was really uncalled for. He waits for an opportune time in the evening when everyone is around in the kitchen. To help me feel welcome to the party, this ‘A’ hole decides to make fun of my jean jacket. All the chicks have a good laugh at the fact I shop at Fields. This public embarrassment for my choice of clothing has changed our relationship. I am no longer a guest in the house, but a pissed off version of Chuck Norris behind enemy lines.
I wait for the host to get nice and drunk. After careful consideration, I have decided to Dry Dock this son-of-a-bitch.
I notice he is deep in a conversation…. something about hair products and his weight routine at the gym.
I excuse myself to use the washroom. Instead of using the guest bathroom, I quickly move to the en-suite bathroom just off of the master bedroom. I turn off the valve to the toilet by reaching in behind down low at the back. This cuts all water supply into the toilet. I use my leather man tool and remove the plastic knob.
Next I flush the toilet, draining it of all remaining water. The toilet can no longer be flushed.
I leave a hot deuce the size of a banana in the dry bowl. It felt good, but I wasn’t done yet. I grab the towel rack and brace myself for one final push… Here comes the bowl of chili I had for lunch.
On the way back to the drinking games, I grab the bathroom spray and hide it in the hall closet with the knob. The last thing I do is crank the thermostat to full heat. It works for apple pie in the oven and it will work for this too.
I enjoy the rest of the evening, because I know that his master bed and bathroom are slowly filling with the warm smell of my shit.
Bonus: It will defiantly take him some time to figure out how to get rid of it, especially if he’s drunk. The kicker is when he has to reach around the back of the toilet to try and turn the water on, (which he won’t be able to do since you removed the knob). He will have to get down low, face-to-face with the smelly present you have left.